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Victoria Quigg

The Loneliness and the Safe Space

Sometimes, struggling with mental health is suffocatingly lonely. The thoughts in your head go around and around. They just sit there bothering you, going no where.


Sometimes they feel like they take a life of their own and it can create a whole new world.


Other times they feel like mud. It feels like you are wading through mud to get to the thought you need but you can't get there.


It can feel like the map of a video game. Where you stand is clear, but you can't see any further than 50 feet ahead of you. Everywhere you haven't explored is blurry.


Sometimes it's like you are stuck in a foggy swamp. No way of knowing where to go or what to do.


These experiences are so exhausting and difficult to explain. A thousand metaphors will never fully express the internal world people experience every single day.


What can help to explain and understand it though, is creating your own mind. Create a place you WANT to be in, not one you are FORCED to be in. Create a comfortable room, space, or area that you can visualise sitting in. It could be somewhere safe like your psychologists room (if you have one), or it might be a park from your childhood that you can climb trees in or play on swings, it might be a house where you keep all of your thoughts in different rooms or your family stay from time to time. Remember that this is your space, and I have to say, you are not crazy or stupid for doing something like this. This kind of stuff is not often spoken about, but everyone has this in their mind, it may just be less conscious for some than others.


In this safe space you get to put your thoughts, memories, feelings, whatever you need to hold in that moment. You might have someone in there with you to bounce ideas off or give you the kind, reassuring words you cannot give yourself at times. A loving family member, a close friend, an imaginery person that just kindly, non-judgementally reflects your experience. You might just have a huge box you go into that can hold all your thoughts. Your thoughts might bounce off the walls like big bouncy balls with so much energy that you just need to throw them in with you and watch them bounce.


This space goes everywhere with you. Find a space that you don't feel trapped in, but one you feel comfortable, liberated, secure, and happy in. One that you can retreat to when you notice your mind gets lonely or hectic, then you can leave when you need to continue with your day and live a meaningful, purposeful life.

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